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legalpsycho
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Name: Sharon
Country: Singapore
Birthday: 10/8/1982
Gender: Female
Interests: my friends, my family and researching on new ways to be a nerd and lazy at the same time
Expertise: being a bitch, inaccurate 2 minute analysis, pointing out the obvious, giving unconstructive advice, fishing for compliments, procrasinating work and making enemies..all that, and I still managed to learn mahjong.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Legal
Message: message me
Member Since:
3/22/2005
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| Its another one of those 'have you ever' days. I havent been here in a while. Looked back at my past entries and realised how most of them were so angry or sad.. and I thought, God, I am such a sad pathetic whiner.. and then I realised that that wasnt true. I have had many many happy moments in my life. And those moments are the ones I keep in my heart. And this place, right here, is where I come to run and hide when I am not so happy. Or when something has touched me or I want to remember lessons, whether I have learnt them on my own or by watching those around me. Today's lesson is about hope. We always hear about hope, and how from hope springs miracles, how it gives us going and how it will get us there one day. But I think hope blinds us. I think most of the time, we really should trust ourselves and our instincts. Because we really do know best. It doesn't matter what people say, we need to reach inside and believe what our guts tell us. And hope, hope just throws sand in our eyes and blinds us from the reality that our minds so clearly see. So I say wipe the sand from your eyes, dry the tears from your face, stand up and walk that path. Because you do not need hope. All you need to do is remember who you are and keep going. And if because of hope, you lost yourself, its ok. Just believe that you deserve better and that you will BE better than u can ever be sitting around and clinging to hope. And you will get there. | | |
| It has been a really really long while since I last blogged but what better day to write abt life than on xmas eve.. had the usual festivities this year, the turkey, the roast beef, the stuffing and the xmas log cake.. then we all exchanged presents.. I got a tiffany and co necklace.. mum told me it was really expensive.. and I know Im supposed to be happy.. and this is the truth: I hated it.. it looked like a freaking dog tag..and it costs alot of money.. then my brother in law made some crack abt how I would have preferred cash and everyone laughed.. for the first time in years.. I hated xmas. If anyone in my family actually even stopped to think, maybe they would realise I dun want no damn expensive necklace or even the money ..maybe if u all had stopped to look at my life .. and what I have become.. maybe they will realise that all I really wanted is for him to be here.. next to me.. no one I have ever loved is ever good enough for them.. shouldnt it just be that as long as I was happy .. as long as he treated me well and was a decent man, it should be good enough.... Im so sick of being stuck in the middle.. and you.. if you are reading this: ALL I WANT FOR XMAS IS YOU.
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| Today, I talked to my friend Jon on web cam, tied my hair in a madonna pony tail and make a pig face. He laughed but I did not pick my nose.. Dun understand what I'm on about? Thats ok.. life is meant to be complicated..haha | | |
| I took Socrates to Kooyong to get some Science Diet because Pedigree aint good enough for me. ( I guess it is true that dogs take after their owners). After his two godmothers satisfied themselves that they had stocked up on the fruit supply, we headed to the car. On our way, we passed a little old lady. She had crutches on both sides and struggled with 6 full bags of groceries. She looked so frail yet at the same time, so determined. I really do respect those who try their best to live by their own means. It doesnt matter that the passing of time has taken its toll on our weak physical forms, age cannot break our spirit, it cannot outweigh out strength. But its always nice to know that there is help out there right? I mean,we are after all, all human. WRONG. I went up to her and asked very politely, careful to make sure I was respectful and unimposing so as not to injure her pride, 'Can I help you?'. Her response was loud enough for the whole street to hear and her tone, clear as day. She looked up at me with a look of PURE DISGUST and ABHORENCE 'Get away from me. Go back to the country that you came from.' I stood and reeled in shock for a full ten seconds. Any other time, any other person and I would have given my signature icy responses. 'Go back to the PRISON CELL your ancestors came from.' But I remembered my ASIAN upbringing to always respect my elders, and simply shook my head and walked away. It really is sad, to meet another human being so full of hate, so close minded. To know that there are still people out there who judge other people by the colour of their skin and the food that they eat.
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| Its a fact of life. After a while, we all start taking things for granted. Private moments that were once a union of souls, a coming together of two people, lost in each other, two worlds colliding as one. And in that one instant, their past no longer matters, their future becomes but a distant worry, lost in the blissful silence that defines the glorious moment in the present. And then over time, the magic goes away. The drugeries of life seep in and the mechanical drone that laces practical living sinks in.. and the happily ever after melts into the cold depths of reality. Then you sit and wonder, what now. Maybe our parents had it right, and our grandparents and their parents, they belonged in a time where the right things mattered. And they had it good. If only we inherited more than just genes.If only we could still see the world through their eyes, then maybe, just maybe, we would all be in a happier world,not one ridden by war, ruled by chaos and driven by destruction. If only. But I digress. We all take things for granted. And the irony of life really is the old cliche, that we dun realise it until its gone. We dun realise that love no matter how unconditional,will still eventually succumb to the defeat by our conceit, our arrogance that keeps us believing that the person is always going be there, doing the same thing everyday, trying over and over again. That the spot that filled our lives will never be emptied and that the person who loves us will keep fighting for us. We get lazy, and we dun see the emptiness in their smile, hear the hollow echo in the 'its okay', feel the growing distance in their hugs. Our silly self assurance deafens us to the slowing down of the once fast beating of a heart driven by passion and blinds us to the dying flickers in the light that were once in their eyes. And we fall into it. We complain about how the rug was pulled from under us and we can never understand how or what they were thinking. But it was always really quite simple, and if we hadn't gotten so caught up, we would easily have seen it.We only start caring when they have stopped,when they have reached the edge and beyond caring, when we realised that they have gone. And one day, we wake up and a cold draft swepts into the bed that was once kept warm by another body, another soul that we once shared a life with, another mind that once revelled in the same dreams. And we are left with but the tease of intangible memories and the icy grip of regret. | | |
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